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A Gay Dad Inches His Way Towards Fatherhood

by Henry Amador February 04, 2016

By Henry Amador

almost

I recently shared with you how my husband and I were hoping our adoption search for our second child was nearing its end

I wrote that article in December based on a child that I found on our agency’s list of children needing homes and who were already cleared for adoption.
His photo, story and video had moved me to the point of reaching out and asking for more information.

That email was sent in November and here I sit sharing the next chapter of this adventure nearly three months later.

I told you those wheels moved slowly didn’t I?

As a matter of fact, If you have been following our journey, you may be interested to know that I wrote the first piece in August of 2014.

So where do we now stand?

Well, we finally had a face to face with this little boy’s team at social services here in North Carolina.

We met with his case worker, her supervisor, the adoption specialist with her supervisor as well as his guardian ad litem, who joined us via phone.

We were thrilled to finally meet all of these wonderful folks who really and truly love this little fellow and who have been a part of his life for such a long time, sadly too long of a time.

We decided to bring along our son so that they could all get a true sense of who we were and just what sort of family he might be joining.

As nervous as we were going into this meeting we quickly felt at ease and welcomed.
Now don’t get me wrong, they were certainly sizing us up, as they should have been, to be sure that we would be a good fit for this little man they have all grown so protective of.

He has been through more than any six year old should ever have to endure.
He was even in a situation where a family had taken him in, just under a year ago, with the plan to adopt him and after three months of living with them they change their minds.

I know, I know, just how can you take a precious little one in and then just send him back?
How do you simply change your mind?

So obviously the state cannot risk that happening again.

He is just beginning to feel safe again and although he knows that his present foster home is a temporary one, to him its still home.

So how will we progress?

This weekend his team will come to our home for an informal get together and then we will begin the process of transitioning.

They have quite a powerful and thought out plan implemented for taking this at a healthy pace for all the parties involved.

We will start by meeting him in a fun and casual place, just the husband and I, he and his adoption specialist. He won’t entirely know why we are there so that we can all start to get to know one another without any stressers.

After that his case worker will (privately) let him know what our hopes are and see how he feels about it.
He will then be told that we are his “maybe” family, a term they use to remind the child that he or she has a voice and a choice in all of this.

Hopefully he will be open to getting better acquainted by way of some playdates and outings, just him with our son and us.
Then a possible one night sleepover that will be followed by a full weekend visit and then, assuming things continue to feel good for him, the big move in day.

There are so many wheels involved and everyone has to be on the same page as we move along, even his present foster-mom will play a role in assuring him and helping to keep him feeling safe.

There will be so many adjustments for him to go through, a new home, school and circle of friends.
Adjustments and times of transition have been hard for him in the past and so many of his behavioral issues surface during those difficult moments; I know that we will have our work cut out for us.

I trust the process and I trust that his team has his best interest at heart but more importantly I trust in us, my family, and our hearts.

My dear friend recently told me that if anyone could make him feel welcomed it would be me.
You’re the child whisperer she said.
That brought so much joy to my heart, almost as much as I pray we will bring to his.

More news to come!

The post A Gay Dad Inches His Way Towards Fatherhood appeared first on The Next Family.




Henry Amador
Henry Amador

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