An asthmatic gay man went to his doctor for help… only to have his breath taken completely away. Now, he’s seeking advice for what he says is much more than just a crush.
“I am 38 years old,” the man writes to advice columnist Andy at the blog Queer-Voices. “I had asthma as a kid and it went away. I’m a little overweight of course. For the past three years, I’ve been having difficulty breathing.”
The man says he visited four different doctors, but none of them could figure out what was wrong with him, until…
“I got a new doctor eight months ago,” he says. “For the first time, I felt like I was being heard. He listened to what I was saying and was concerned. Over the past six months, he has put me through multiple steps to figure out what is wrong with me.”
These steps included a series of tests, x-rays, MRIs, and other procedures. And in the process, the man caught feelings.
“I have spent so much time with him that I might be in love with him,” he confesses. “He’s been through this with me. He’s nice, caring, and funny. I feel there’s a connection. He’s always happy to see me and reminds me that if something’s wrong to call and make an appointment and he’ll see me.”
The man continues, “I know he’s married and I don’t care. I don’t mind sharing him with his wife. I sent him a box of chocolates for Valentine’s; he thought it was for the staff.”
He signs his letter “Conflicted Patient.”
Andy responds by first assuring the man he’s not alone in his longing for his doctor.
“Falling in love with your doctor is a very common problem and it’s called transference,” he replies. “Because of your physical (he examines you half naked) relationship with your doctor, you feel that he’s touching you with a sexual overtone. You think it’s intimate because of the physical contact, the attention you’re getting, and probably his smile.”
Andy continues: “Don’t be worried about it. You don’t necessarily need to change doctors. Just remember that you’re not actually dating him and don’t assume that he wants you in a sexual way.”
“This may pass soon,” Andy assures him, “maybe when you have an intimate relationship with a man that will respond to you.”
“Some people have this problem for a couple of months, others go through it for almost a year,” Andy concludes. “Be patient, try not to focus too much on him. Focus on yourself as a whole person. You have to be whole to find your other half.”
What do you think of Andy’s advice? Should the man try to ride things out until his feelings subside? Sound off in the comments section below.