Celebrities like Anna Paquin and Margaret Cho are open about their bisexuality, but where are the bi men?
With the exception of Alan Cumming, bi guys seem to be few and far between, and Washington Post writer and social media producer (and bi guy) Ryan Carey-Mahoney wants to know why. He writes:
In the 20-odd years before I came out as bisexual, I was a very lost soul. My only exposure to bisexuality was the promiscuous partygoer or the flirty college girl tropes you see in movies. I viewed it as a women’s thing, and, in my warped mind, any man identifying as bisexual was just lying to himself about being gay.
Oh, how blind I was. Now, having been out for about two years, I know that there’s no shame in who I am: Hey, I’m just RCM and I’m attracted to more than one gender. Big whoop! But coming out is just the beginning. It’s the next phase that seems harder — and I’m still searching for wiser bi men to serve as role models.
He’s right. RCM points to some stats that prove that, yes, bisexuals exist…and their numbers are going up. And we’ve all been reminded on multiple occasions that “straight” guys experimenting with their bi side is becoming more common.
Still, he laments the lack of prominent bisexual male role models and the stereotypes that come with being bi:
Bisexual people are often stereotyped as promiscuous. If you’re a bi man, for example, many in the gay and straight communities will say you’re actually gay. And if you’re a bi woman, it’s assumed that you’re experimenting with your sexuality and will eventually end up with a man.
And, he eventually figures out that what he’s looking for may be staring at him in the mirror:
In my short time being out and proud, I’ve seen some of these moments myself. Close friends responded to my coming out with their own; others thanked me for speaking up. One stranger even made me the first person they ever told. It’s funny. While I was looking for a role model, I realized: I’m slowly becoming one.
Bi guys: they’re not just in porn anymore!
But seriously, we all have our biases about bi guys, whether fetishizing them via porn or excluding them from our dating pools (this writer personally had a no bi guys policy back in his single days), but more visibility definitely helps.
More out and proud bi guys will definitely help to change minds in the future!