Where were you on Saturday when the skies went black? For most of the day, Grindr — the popular hookup app featuring a menacing “serial-killer mask” logo to get you in the mood for fun, carefree dalliances — went down completely. We’re sure it has nothing to do with the app’s procurement by Chinese company Beijing Kunlun World Wide Technology Co.
In its temporary stead, a cheeky Twitter furor erupted, with antsy gays wondering what exactly to do with their idle hands short of violently sadsturbating.
A handful of wingnuts suggested people go to bars and meet dates face to face, or lounge around in pajamas and read a book — trollish advice illustrating why it never pays to read the comments.
Below, Three Strategies For Coping The Next Time Grindr Goes Fishin’:
1. Purchase Ouija, The Mystifying Oracle
If you are homosexual, gay men should use the Mars energy and gay women should use the Venus energy. Also, you can go a step further. Men, you could start your ritual in Libra during the waxing phase which usually is successful for life partners and marriage… Also DO NOT start this ritual during a Mercury, Mars, or Venus retrograde.