Children. They are one of life’s greatest joys. They are also one of life’s greatest pains… particularly when it comes to disrupting their parents’ sex lives… and especially when their parents are into kink.
A group of parents recently sat down down with Vice to talk about navigating the waters of parenthood and kinky sex.
“I am kinky by nature,” 35-year-old Chris from New Jersey says. “Just because you have kids doesn’t mean kink is over. You may have to slow down for a minute; you may have to put in on the side, but you’re not going to forget it.”
Chris and his wife have two children, one three and one 19-months.
“I’m bisexual, but I haven’t actually had sex with another man,” he says. “I’d love to do it. I am a sexual bottom and the best term I use to describe my sexuality is ‘sensation slut.'”
Chris says he likes being “on the receiving end of things” and feeling out of control, hence his interest in bottoming for another man.
“I like pushing myself to the limits of the sensations I receive, good or bad,” he says.
He and his wife are very much into kink and have a locker in their bathroom filled with sex toys–hoods, gags, latex gloves, plugs, whips, electric shockers, you name it. For now, they keep their kinky behavior a closely-guarded secret, but Chris expects that one day he’ll have to address it with his kids.
“They’re three and one and a half,” he says. “In another ten years, I’m going to have to have a conversation with them that’s a little more serious. I hope to be as honest as I can without providing specific details.”
James from Wisconsin is 31 and in a similar boat. He and his wife have a two-year-old and a seven-month-old. He identifies and straight, “but truthfully I’m heteroflexible.”
“I like people who are feminine with little regard to what genitals they have,” he explains. “I’m a dominant male, with some sadistic undertones, but I spend 99 percent of my time as just a vanilla dad and husband.”
“Our son is of an age where he finds things even if we try desperately to hide them,” he says. “My spouse and I have always said we will be in a sex-positive home, even as our kids learn what a vibrator is and that those Velcro straps on our bed are for momma.”
He continues: “We want our children to be comfortable in their skin and to know they are beautiful and not to be hidden in some weird standard placed by Puritans hundreds of years ago who would stone us for enjoying sex if they had their way.”
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“Kink isn’t something to be ashamed of,” he says, “and your kids will respect honesty more than a person who is afraid of themselves and their needs.”