Five Finger Shuffle: Why New York City Can’t Have Nice Things

Derek de Koff

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It was good while it lasted, but it didn’t last long. Due to an overwhelming number of reports regarding New Yorkers roosting on LinkNYC kiosks to watching porn in public and vigorously sad’sturbate, the company has decided to no longer provide web browsing.

Related: Want To Cut Your Risk Of Prostate Cancer? Masturbate Five Times A Week

According to Gothamista statement from the company reads:

Starting today, we are removing web browsing on all Link tablets while we work with the City and community to explore potential solutions, like time limits.”

The company promises that the 400 kiosks will continue to provide “other tablet features—free phone calls, maps, device charging, and access to 311 and 911.”

Related: WATCH: How Do Conjoined Twins Handle Masturbation?

But if you’re looking to see the latest flip-flop scene between Bruce Beckham and Matthew Bosch, you’re unfortunately not going to be able to do it standing on Eighth Avenue between 17th and 18th with your pants around your ankles.

Too bad. We were hoping the kiosks might usher in the era of re-sleazification that NYC desperately needs right now.

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