Jake Gyllenhaal Will Eternally Profess His Love For You, If You So Please

Dan Tracer

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Most promises of eternal gifts come with a catch.

Want to stun the world with a sudden mastery of the guitar, for instance? Well, the Devil is going to want something in return.

The same lesson can be applied to getting swept up in an eternity of Jake Gyllenhaal as he expresses his love for you and only you.

Sound too good to be true? It is.

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Like the temptation of eternal life, you’ll soon learn that things only have meaning if they expire at some point.

Jake Gyllenhall reciting his famous “I wish I knew how to quit you” line from Brokeback Mountain only satisfies your emotional needs if it, too, stops.

Because as you’ll soon discover in The Gyllenhalla clip-arty hall of infinite Jake, it’s pretty annoying on a loop.

Oh Jake, you perplexing angel of on high.

Take a cautionary voyage to The Gyllenhall here.

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