We hope you’re sitting down, because Kellyanne Conway is standing up — for comedy.
But if you love a good bellyLOL, you’ll have to take your business elsewhere. A cringeworthy 12-minute “comedy” routine has surfaced from 1998’s “Funniest Celebrity in Washington DC” contest, and it features Conway back when she was working for the Polling Company and known as Kellyanne Fitzpatrick.
When she tells a joke, even the crickets stay mum.
Kellyanne Conway bombing doing standup is going to be our generation's Hitler not getting into art school, isn't it? https://t.co/nksFUVIcbX
— Zach Heltzel (@zachheltzel) January 24, 2017
As you can see below, she’s alarmingly unfunny, and the video will only be of interest to scientists who want to hear what a sonic boom of anti-laughter sounds like.
One joke that succeeds in skirting a single chuckle from the audience: “If Larry King would just have all his ex-wives watch his show, his ratings would triple.”
Joking about the reason she’s wearing a cast on her foot, she says, “Having just two of his own, Chris Matthews needed someone else’s foot to stick in his mouth.”
Later, she suggests offers it’s because of “that Fred Thompson’s bizarre and kinky foot fetishist.”
Wow this is for sure the darkest timeline for a failed comedian: https://t.co/hs5dVCJEER
— Miranda King (@mirpropaganda) January 24, 2017
Keep in mind those are highlights from the routine.
If you can make it three-fourths through her performance, you’ll see Conway put on a fabulous boa and sing a song she calls “The Pundette Blues.”
So don’t make it three-fourths through her performance.