Man asks boyfriend for an open relationship and he says no… Now what?!
More and more people, particularly millennials, are trading in monogamy for open relationships. But that doesn’t mean they are for everyone. In a new Reddit thread, a man writes about his boyfriend’s recent request to open things up, and the impact it has had on their relationship.
“We were just sitting down on the couch hanging out, then he all of a sudden asked if we could have an open relationship,” the man writes. “I said no.”
He continues: “He says sex with the same person becomes boring and that he can’t ‘eat the same type of food.’ I asked if I was boring, if I’m not giving him something he wants or if I’m doing something wrong. He claims it’s none of those things but I think he’s lying.”
Ultimately, the guys decided not to open up their relationship (for now), but the man says, “Now I’m worried. I need advice, please help. Sex and love are two different things. He wants to have different dicks, so on and so forth. He’s saying it’s his brain making him think/believe that our sex is boring and that it has nothing to do with me.”
Responding to people’s comments, the man revealed even more details about his relationship, including:
- “He’s wanted to have a threesome before and I said no.”
- “We aren’t sexually compatible. I have a higher sex drive than him and he doesn’t like to do some of the things I like.”
- “He does have more experience and has had more sexual partners than me.”
- “For him, the sex is 1% of our relationship.”
- “He’s a bottom. I’m a top. but he doesn’t like anal that much. My sex drive is higher than his.
Now, onto what his fellow Redditers had to say about the situation…
“I think its possibly a sign that you are both looking for different things in your relationships,” one person writes. “If being in an open relationship is not something you want and is something that he wants/needs, chances are you will both be (or at least very well could be) unsatisfied or unfulfilled in your relationship.”
“You want monogamy and he doesn’t,” another person adds. “Sure, he may have agreed with you to not go ahead and open the relationship, but I bet it’s still gonna be in his mind. And, it’s only a matter of time before this starts to put a serious strain on y’all’s relationship.”
“I have to disagree,” someone else writes. “I’ve been with my partner 7 years strong and we do open our relationship up periodically. The key to our success is communication and having respect for each other. Opening up the relationship was not treated as mandatory and we didn’t resort to juvenile analogies, we will be perfectly content being monogamous–opening up the relationship every now and then is a perk which we can indulge in but don’t have to.”
Another person adds, “I understand its not for everyone, but there are ways to try it out, see what you think, rather than just going flat out and breaking up with him over this. … For both your sakes, keep the communication open about it, don’t ignore each other or shame each other for wanting something outside the norm. Embrace it.”
What are your thoughts on open relationships? And what advice would you give to this dude and his boyfriend? Share your wisdom in the comments section…