There are dick moves, and then there are dick moves perpetrated by entitled manchildren with borderline personality disorder. This particular post revolves around the latter.
“My brother admitted he sabotaged his letter of reference for our brother and his husband’s adoption,” writes sphlinkerdough on Reddit, “because he lives with them and doesn’t want them to have a kid yet. My sister thinks they deserve to know, I don’t want to get involved. What should I do?”
Other key details: The 27-year-old manchild (who tellingly still answers to “Matty”) has lived with the couple for four years, and they even helped him finish college and supported his quest to get back in shape. They “basically had to teach him how to take care of himself.”
Matty has begged the author of the post not to tell anyone that he “didn’t send a good letter,” a little bit of social engineering that’s simple, effective, and utterly wretched. But why would he sabotage his own brother’s attempt to adopt a child with the man he loves?
Because, in his own words, “I’m kaput once they have their shiny new Benetton kid to play happy daddies with.”
And it only gets darker and more dysfunctional from there.
Matty thinks “it wasn’t fair that he wasn’t young or cute enough for them.”
“I told him it was pretty weird he felt threatened because it meant ‘child’ is the role he occupies space in in Chris and Nil’s life,” sphlinkerdough writes.
His problem, in a nutshell:
I don’t want to be responsible for Matty ending up on the street. I don’t want to ruin everyone’s relationships either. Is it really my place to tell Chris and Nils what Matty said?
As you can imagine, plenty of appalled Redditors were more than willing to offer up their two cents, and no one is siding with the creepy little brother:
“Unfortunately you have to choose a side,” says VictoryIsARoad. “You want to tell them and be on the right side of this. You don’t have to condone Matty or have to help them solve it but definitely tell them.”
“Don’t you care about Chris?” asks TheHatOnTheCat. “Does his life and desire to start a family mean nothing to you? It’s so sad he loves his family so much and you guys apparently can’t do the bare minimum to be decent humans towards him.”
“I’ve read some despicable stuff that people do to each other here,” writes Beasag. “But this made me cry. Chris deserves to be a father. Anything else is just wretchedly unfair.”
“Protecting your shitty brother who is TWENTYSEVEN YEARS OLD isn’t the right thing to do and I think you know it,” says soayherder. “His entire behavior in this is creepy as fuck.”
What happens the next time they try to do something that takes their attention away from him? He isn’t entitled to anything, you know. What if they decide to move somewhere he doesn’t want to live, or go on vacation without them?
They absolutely deserve to know. What they do about it is up to them, but you are describing two selfless, generous people who have been nothing but kind and loving to your brother – and his reaction has been to sabotage their attempt at further happiness in their own lives, WHICH they were willing to still make him a part of.
Not telling them won’t save the relationship; sooner or later Matty is going to fuck this up worse. Telling them now MIGHT be the making of Matty, but that’s up to him, not you. Not telling them makes you a part of his shitty behavior, because the truth is bound to come out – and if they find out you knew, how do you think they’re going to feel, that you protected Matty over them and their dream?”
To us, Matty sounds like exactly the kind of toxic personality you have to work overtime to keep out of your life.
What do you think should be done to right the situation? Weigh in in the comments below.