“Straight” Guy Can’t Get No Satisfaction (Or Responses) On Gay Hookup Sites. What’s The Prob?

Derek de Koff

Young man suffering for depression

He believes very strongly that he played his cards just right and should be up to his neck in acts of fellatio. But no.

A hapless young chap lays out his tale of woe on Redditand it’s a tawdry tale about looking for love in all the right places and still winding up alone — and without a single act of scurrilous fellatio to your name.

Related: Searching For Intimacy In A Sea Of Hookups

“I’m a straight/bi-curious/bi-sexual (not too sure) guy who wants to experiment with guys,” explains sidepornaccount.

I’m only really interested in oral and wanking each other off and I make this clear in my profile and messages to people. I’ve been using Fabguys, Fabswingers and Craigslist (from the UK), yet no matter how many times I message people or make posts, I either get no reply or the people who do reply lose interest.

When I advertise myself, I don’t extend what I say beyond “I would love to suck your cock”, and variations on that. What am I doing wrong? How do I attract guys for a casual hookup? I had heard it is as easy as, Me: “do you want to get sucked off?” Them: “okay”.

Edit: I’ll add that it’s hard for me to empathize with what a lot of gay guys want since I’ve never had any gay romantic feelings, so bear with me.

Redditors wasn’t no time in coming to the young man’s aid to offer up their tips on proper hookup site etiquette to maximize your potential for the as-yet evasive acts of fellatio this fellow so desperately desires.

Related: How Do You Know When A Hookup Is ‘The One’?

Grizzfan‘s two cents:

Chances are that if you’re struggling to find hookups, especially on Grindr, you’re being too discreet, too forward/intense in your opening messages, or too flaky. I love hookups, but if a guy messages me for the first time with “I would love to suck your cock,” I’m not gonna be interested.

Coastiste speaks these words of wisdom:

At least introduce yourself and give me a fake name. Usually if you carry on a casual conversation for 5 minutes you can discern whether or not they want to give you the goods. Also some people care about facial appearance so maybe you’re not attractive to them

19Jay95 isn’t having any of this abrupt fellatio-seeking on his watch, mkay?

If someone messages me saying “I would love to suck your cock” they get an instant block. Just because someone wants to hook up doesn’t mean everything else goes out the window. If I’m not in the mood there is nothing more repulsive than some random person introducing themself with “Can I suck your cock”

It can be that easy, if you’re messaging someone in your league who is also only after hook ups. What photo are you using of yourself? And what sort of people are you messaging?

Related: Young Man “Feels Sick” After “Wasting” His Virginity On “Messy” Grindr Hookup

But then it becomes known that the original poster is only sending a dick pic while also only seeking fellatio. Hmm…

yourproteinshake steps up to the plate:

Your opener implies you want to suck, not be sucked…

A photo of a body part, unless it is extraordinary — and even then only in a subset of cases — basically says “I’m too lazy, shy, closeted, or ugly to offer any more information on which to base a decision.

Using a dick pic to trawl for guys whose dicks you hope to pleasure gives those guys no reason to choose your mouth over others.

Do you not see the disconnect? If not, what about it is not clear? Are you of the belief — typically held by the most hopelessly unenlightened — that gay people mate at random, like insects, such that none of us cares with whom we copulate as long as the deed is completed?

Related: Hot To Horrifying: 15 Guys Share Their First Gay Hookup Stories

alex0678 is deeply concerned with the original poster’s “chill” quotient, or his distinct lack of “chill” in any capacity whatsoever:

I think you might be a little too upfront. You might wanna bring it down a notch. Believe it it or not guys can be turned off in situations like this. I know I am. When ever a guy msgs me and directly asks if I want a blow job it makes me cringe….

You wouldn’t normally ask a girl if you could eat her out without even introducing yourself…. Including your stats “Age, Height, Weight, Race, Health Status” is also something guys look at when considering hooking up possibly even a body pic.

Add a comment

* Comments must be approved before being displayed.