Twelve months of manflesh: The hottest calendars of 2017

Derek de Koff

Autumnal sunsets. Cats batting around yarn and sleeping in wicker baskets. Crescent moons. Fields of barley.

Calendars come in so many themes that it can be overwhelming trying to decide which one best suits you. But on the off chance that you’d rather forgo all the kittens and the barley and whatever and pick up a calendar that’s heavy on the hunky side of the spectrum, we have you covered.

Let’s begin.

Woof. Here’s the 2017 Pecs and Pups calendar by Mike Ruiz. Not only is this a perfect medley of manflesh and cute-ass dogs, but all proceeds benefit Louie’s Legacy Animal Rescue, a 501(c)(3) non-profit charity. Purchase it here.

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You’ll probably want your 2017 calendar to be rife with photos of “orthodox priests” in various states of undress and in highly compromising positions, correct? Well, consider your prayers answered.

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Did your heart just do a grand jeté? (Um. Eww.) Probably something to do with the 2017 Gleb Savchenko Calendar, a pictorial ode to the pectorals of this fine Russian dancer/choreographer. Purchase it HERE.

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How angry are you that the Exeter Chiefs have shirked their duties as professional rugby players to strip down to their skivvies for this 2017 calendar? Order it HERE to exorcise your rage.

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If you haven’t picked up your 2017 calendar featuring musclebound firefighters snuggling up to adorable puppies, ask yourself: “Why am I so deeply, deeply stupid?” Order here.

We’ve spilled a lot of ink about Robert Sepulveda, Jr. this year. The shady fellow is now “bringing awareness to sex workers” by recreating his past in a limited-edition calendar that beguilingly costs $50.

Personally, we’ll use our $50 to support sex work in our own special way, but you can order yours here:

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James Hill of the UK Apprentice gamely slipped into a red swim brief to shoot a calendar of his very own. So what if you have no fucking idea who he is? Life is short. (Order yours here.)

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A handful of handsome Asian-American performers, writers, and celebs went all-out sexy for the second annual Haikus On Hotties calendar, which pairs photos of strapping young men with lithe poetry tackling difficult questions about… just how hot these guys are. Sure, why not?

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On the off-chance that you occasionally find yourself wondering which studly redheads are posing for the 2017 “Red Hot” calendar, you can find your answer here:

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Shirtless hunks coming to the aid of ailing animals are more important than ever. That’s the takeaway from the 2017 Men of the Vet School Calendar, which features handsome Cornell men selflessly helping a menagerie of goats, cows, dogs, and kangaroos in distress. Buy it here.

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Alex Bowen, the British reality star born with an appendage that defies said reality, decided 2017 was the year he’d finally have his very own calendar. Purchase here.

 

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