Why writing “no fems” is actually killing your dating game
Does your dating profile say anything along the lines of “no fems” or “masc4masc”? If so, you’re actually hurting your chances of getting laid.
In a new column, Joe Stone points to a recent study published in Computers in Humans Behavior titled “Masculine Guys Online.” The study surveyed 144 gay and bisexual men about their online dating habits and found that the majority of them viewed guys who write things like “masc 4 masc,” “no fems,” or “real men only” as “significantly less intelligent, significantly less sexually confident, and significantly less dateable than their counterparts.”
“Well, duh,” Stone writes. “This is the least surprising experiment since the one which found that people who post inspirational memes have lower levels of intelligence (have you ever noticed how it’s never your successful or happy friends posting whimsical nonsense about how to achieve success and happiness?).”
He continues: “The proliferation of gay dating profiles that feature a headless torso alongside a description of ‘no fats, no Asians, no fems’ is one the most depressing aspects of modern gay culture. For me, it’s doubly troubling–first because people are so plainly ignorant, and second because they seem comfortable advertising that ignorance so freely.”
Kind of like Trump apologists and supporters.
Of course, none of this is really new. Others have been pontificating over the whole “masc4masc” thing for a while now.
Back in November, blogger Jeremy Alexander published an op-ed titled Fellow Gay Men, Stop Glorifying Toxic Ideals Of Masculinity about the issue of overly aggressive gay men obsessed with dominance.
“My theory is simple,” Alexander wrote. “These men want to overcompensate for their queerness, because on some level, they see their queerness as negative and that their sexual orientation makes them a ‘sissy’ by default.”
He added: “Strangely enough, being seen as ‘straight acting’ is something desired by a large demographic of gay men, hoping to embody these traits of the heterosexual male in their gay lifestyle.”
And then there was this meme that began circulating on social media last month:
But there is a plus side to all this, Stone says.
“At least men with Masc4Masc profiles let us know straight off the bat that they probably aren’t evolved enough to deserve our time,” he writes. “John Waters famously said, ‘If you go home with somebody, and they don’t have books, don’t fuck ’em.'”
He concludes, “Perhaps if we adopted the same policy with the masc-only brigade it would encourage some much-needed introspection. At the very least it will help them achieve their aim, since surely never having sex with another man is the finale frontier in being truly ‘straight-acting.'”
What are your thoughts on guys you write “no fems” or “masc4masc” on their dating profiles? Take our poll and share your thoughts below.