The Best Option for a Foster Child
By Diane Ponist
Finally these children in our house are getting what they deserve, well starting to. To say it’s about time is putting it lightly. It’s almost as if these judges are tired (finally!) of dealing with noncompliant bio families. The question I have is why does it take such a long time ?!
Our foster son “Carmen”, who has lived with us the longest so far, and has been dragged through the system, is finally turning towards adoption. He wasn’t adopted yet because we are a Caucasian, same-sex couple. But with the bio parents never doing a thing they were required to do, the judge is finally the goal.
The day of court, we get a call from the bio mom screaming and crying that she was just embarrassed for being called out for not doing what she was supposed to. Why did she call us first?! For some reason she thought we would be on her side, that we’d be sympathetic. That couldn’t be further from the truth; we have dealt with her inequities for too long.
We did try to become closer with her the past few months. We invited her to meet with us for Carmen’s birthday but she cancelled last minute. We talked with her often on the phone (mostly about herself and not the child, per her choice). We assured her that we will stay in each other’s lives. But seeing how she is full of empty promises to her son, we are reconsidering.
The judge told her she is not mentally fit to take care of a child. So now it’s a question of whether or not it’s safe to keep a relationship with her at all. We are thrilled that, finally, our sexuality or ethnicity aren’t factors. Everyone involved in the case simply stood back and saw we were just great parents.
All this questioning about what is best for a child is puzzling. If a child is not going to be safe at all with the bio parent, than what does “a good fit” matter as long as the child is with a responsible adult, going through all the ups and downs? Here we are with this 3-year-old child who has been nothing but (understandably) confused for the past year. And the confusion lies in the fact that he had to keep seeing someone who was never fit to begin with. Giving birth, in my eyes, should have nothing to do with what is “best”. Within the family courts a lot of times that is not the best option. Yet the child is always the one that suffers. This is just something I will never understand.