Foster Adoption and a Little Boy’s Lie
By Diane Ponist
This weekend was a complete punch in the gut. I literally wanted to throw my hands up and scream that I have no more fight left!
Do I accept defeat and take a loss and try to just find the positive out of the situation ? That’s definitely crossed my mind, but it’s just not in the cards. There is no giving up when things are this hard.
My last post was about the good that comes with telling the truth; this is about the harm that comes from telling a lie.
Friday evening we found out that our foster son, “George”, lied. George is the one that we have been fighting tooth and nail to protect from being sent back to his bio home. A fragile 5-year-old who has confided in us with the truth of his dangerous past.
But now he said something to his therapist that threatened the progress we’ve made in protecting him.
The therapist told us that George claimed, during their session, that our 3-year-old foster son sexually abused him. We were floored; there is no way that this happened. We know for a fact because we are completely overbearing parents, a lot more than most. This would never, ever happen without us knowing. Plus the 3- year-old has no idea that anything sexual even exists. We were stunned.
Later that evening George admitted that knew what he said was a lie, and that it was wrong. Hearing this helped, but we were still concerned. Case workers had just advised us that, due to George’s allegations, all of our foster children might have to be removed from our home during the investigation. While we convinced the case workers that this was not necessary, still the realization is terrifying: one child’s mistruths could put our other children at risk! We have special needs children who need us. We paced the house in tears.
George told me that he said this because he “doesn’t deserve” to live with us. He said he belongs “in jail” for having a “naughty face” and for getting his bio family in trouble. He thinks he’s wrong for sharing experiences about the dangers he faced in the past, details which sparked the latest investigation of his bio family. It suddenly all came clear, the pressures this child faces.
We understand now that George is being intimidated into telling lies about our house. So-called “supervised” visits to his bio home aren’t supervised enough.
So here we are a few days later, helplessly waiting out this roller coaster ride. The authorities know that our 3-year-old is not capable of what was said of him. We are hoping that George’s telling of the truth after the fact will protect him. That they will believe that he is being pressured to lie. Unfortunately they still have to investigate our house, because abuse was mentioned in any form. We are in limbo.
This is the part that hurts, the waiting, with absolutely no control. We can only hope for the best, whatever that may be.