Foster Parents: When It Seems That No One Else Cares
By Diane Ponist
There are many days that I look at the situation I’m in and wonder “what am I doing?!” I’ve hit points where I want to throw my hands up and walk away. Then as hard as it seems to be, something creates this clarity that seems to be relevant at only the right time and I find that one thing that gives me the drive to keep fighting, pushing, moving forward.
That is my life as a foster parent. Sometimes it’s the kid’s behavior, I didn’t create this, why am I the only one dealing with fixing it?! Other times it’s the biological parent, never doing anything positive and always making things so much harder than they have to be.
We currently have one child, that has lived with us longer than anyone else. For privacy, we`ll call our foster daughter Sadie. Sadie is the first Foster child we have received since we adopted our son, DeAndre. Sadie has been with us for 10 months at this point. We have been through points where we didn’t know if we could deal with her baggage. Sadie`s behavior was, at times, uncontrollable. When concerned about the other children’s safety as well as our own, we almost threw in the towel. We thought we weren’t able to give her the help that she needed. Maybe she just needed to be only child was the answer.
Secondly, her bio is out of control. The bio has had 3 more children since she lost custody of Sadie. Now, all 4 children are in foster care, the bio lost them all one by one! “The system” continues to give the bio more and more time, the case workers keep saying “next court date.” The bio is in and out of jail, this time possible attempt of murder charges. The one suffering the most is Sadie, she has been drug through the mud over and over, we are the only ones that seem to care.
Sometimes I step back and say, “This is insane! When is the drama and heart ache going to subside?!?!” But then I realize I haven’t given up on this little girl like everyone else has. We do have to convince each other from time to time, this child is like this cause she is so hurt. She just wants to be loved, she wants a real family. She wants her bio to care about her, but knows we are her actual parents. The face that says I love you every night, that is proud of us, for being her mom and mommy. That’s why we are doing this. How in the world do you give up on someone that refuses to give up on you! And so here starts the trials and tribulations of life with foster kids.
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