Excuse Me Sir, Are You His Mom?
By Henry Amador
I’ve been meaning to touch on this subject for some time now, yet when I ask friends for input, some agree and are totally into it, and others, not so much.
Gay Men or Gay Fathers being referred to as Wives and Mommies.
Okay, not that anyone asked but here’s my take. Lets go back in time, think housewives, as 1950’s as that sounds. Still conjures up the image of a well made up lovely apron-wearing beauty, right? Standing by the door at 5:30, martini in hand, welcoming her hard working Husband home.
When Gay couples started becoming more visible, much of society, in order to be able to understand that relationship, felt the need to place us in the same scenario described above.
And I’ll just go ahead and say it, many gay men, for the same reasons, needing to be understood, willingly accepted those roles. The butch one, the femme one. The more flamboyant of the two. The man, the woman.
Do we still to this day get the questions? Who cooks and cleans in your relationship? Which one of you is more like “the wife?”
Now some men I ask simply accept those questions as normal and reply accordingly. Others feel the need to clarify, to educate that they both share things equally. Why would one “man” be the more domestic and the other not? I think we fall somewhere in between, my husband is a great cook, he actually enjoys it and so he does it.
I on the other hand am a family recipe guy, I take great pleasure in making my Mother’s this or that, and so sometimes I cook. Regarding cleaning, well we both hate it and so were lucky if that even gets done so I guess that’s a check in both our columns. Many gay couples we know are a lot like us, both working and just helping each other make it through the day.
Today, with the growing numbers of gay men raising children we get the whole mommy and daddy thing too. Which one are you more like? The Mom or the Dad? Who is the more maternal one? Paternal one? Who is the disciplinarian?
You get where i’m going?
Now please understand I have written before about the fact that I father the way I was mothered, I love my nurturing side, and if I had to pick which of us was more motherly I’d probably say me, and my husband would probably say him. Proof that we are both, both.
Gender and Gender roles are a hot topic right now.
There are folks that refuse to identify with any.
There are parents raising children while trying to not assign one,
trying to avoid classify their kids.
There are many same gendered parents completely blurring the lines of traditional roles, and I think that’s pretty cool, especially all those amazing stay-at- home Dads. Hopefully with time, society will stop trying to understand so much and simply accept. Hopefully with time, we can all break free from those societal confines, self imposed or not.
Maybe then some of my brothers in arms can hang up those proverbial aprons once and for all. But for Gods sake, please keep those Martinis coming,
Article brought to you by DADsquared.
Image by Jacob Ladue