The Things Parents Say

Carol Rood

By Carol Rood


When I was growing up I always said I would never have children.   I have been a babysitter since I was 12.  I was a mother’s helper to a nice lady when I was 14.  And although I worked with children and liked children I always said I did not want any.

I don’t remember why I said that, I just remember saying it.  So much for the memory huh?

Well, then I met my children’s father, and somehow I just knew that I wanted children with him.  My biological clock may have been a factor also, as I was 29 when I met him, but I am not sure about how much that influenced my decision.

Recently I realized that as a mother, I have said things I swore I would never say.  And have become my mother (in a good way).  So for all the moms out there, here is a list of things we say that make no sense, or sound strange, or could be taken COMPLETELY differently in a different context.

Things Moms Say

“Can I get that boogie out for you?”

“Wow, I didn’t know baby boys had morning wood.”

“I brought you into this world and I can take you out” (always hated that one, but found myself using it)

“Please don’t pull on your brother’s penis”

“Please don’t drink that milk, I worked very hard to make it and it is for my baby.”  When I stored small bottles of breast milk in the fridge at work while pumping.

“Why no, I have no idea what that smell is.” (I actually said this when I had cabbage leaves in my bra to help dry up my breast milk after pumping for 9 months. Cabbage doesn’t smell too great when it gets warm.)

“If I step on something and break it as I walk across your room, too bad so sad.  Maybe you should pick it up.”

“Because I said so.”

“Stop talking please, I can’t hear myself think.”  ummmm, okay??

“Someday you will understand”

“When you have kids, and they do what you are doing now, I am going to laugh my ass off!!’

“As long as you are under my roof you will follow my rules.” (Anyone NOT said this????)

“God gave you a brain, use it.”

“Look it up.”  or”google it.”

“Don’t call me unless someone is bleeding or needs to get stitches.”

“You want to run away? Can I pack your stuff for you?”

or for my crabby days:

“You don’t want to live here anymore?  Okay, you go the way you came, so leave naked.”

“Let’s play the quiet game.”

“I am not asking, I am telling!”

And one I think I may have been the only mom to say: (as I was standing upstairs and my 17 year old was running his mouth).

“If you don’t stop talking I will jump over this landing ninja style and rip your throat out.”

He stopped talking!

Did I miss any?


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