One Year Later

Jason Holling

one-year-old_thumbLots of things can change in a year. But one thing that has not changed is our desire to become dads. If anything, we are more determined to become dads. This morning I woke up and I looked over at the room we set up as the nursery next to our bedroom upstairs. Once we were approved as a family with our agency, we started to set the nursery up just in case we got picked in a situation that moved very quickly. We wanted to be prepared and have all the basic needs purchased and ready for a little one. The nursery is perfect in every way. The crib is beautiful. The baby monitor sits waiting on standby mode for our child’s arrival home in the future. The tree and monkeys swinging on the wall is perfect and makes us smile every time we walk by. The toy chest is perfect too and sits empty. Now we just wait for the perfect birthmother to connect with and help us complete our family.

This morning, when I walked by the room, I took a moment to look in and reflect on the one year mark of our journey. Standing at the door to the nursery with my shoulder leaned against the door frame, my mind drifted off to a year ago. I remember our employers kicking Justin and I out of work early on a Wednesday to make sure we were on the road to get ahead of a snowstorm. They wanted to make sure we made it to the agency to take a 3-day course and sign our paperwork. We pulled out of our driveway and stopped to get gas. The snowflakes were falling and Justin sped up to get ahead of the storm. We were off on our journey to Indiana and meet our counselor at Independent Adoption Center (IAC). That weekend about a year ago we officially joined IAC and took another step on our journey to become dads.

I kept staring this morning into the nursery. Smiling as I remembered the next hurdle in our journey – the home study. Looking back, that was nothing in comparison to the roller coaster rides after we were approved. But I recalled a year ago Justin and I sitting in our living room scared to death and stressing over the visit. That day a year ago I got up and paced around the living room waiting for the doorbell to ring. We were waiting for our social worker to come to the house to start the first visit of our home study. We had no idea what to expect as we saw her car pull up outside the house. The visit went fine and our social worker put us at ease that she was not looking to see if we were perfect housekeepers. There were no white glove tests looking for dust. But what she was looking for was a safe, loving, and  committed family to raise a child.

I wiped away a tear after some other thoughts of our year journey flooded in. Everything on this journey has brought us closer as a couple and made us stronger. There is nothing we would change.  Not even the painful ups and downs.    The connections we have made have been incredible. The supporters from all over the country that are cheering us on have helped to give us energy. We know we are on the right journey and have to be patient now. We do not know how long the wait will be. But we have to hold onto faith that it will happen. It will happen when the time is right.

Walking away from the room I thought of what the upcoming years could bring us. There will be late nights in that rocking chair holding our son or daughter. There will be nights where they are scared of the dark and two dads that help comfort them. The room will be filled with laughter as the child plays in the toy chest in the corner. The room will be filled with good memories of reading books before bedtime and knowing this is what life is all about. And that room that sits quiet now will be filled with love and joy from two proud dads and their child that are connected in love as a family. Two proud dads watching from the door frame as their child sleeps in the crib.  I picture us turning away going to bed and our hearts filled with happiness and pride about our child.   Thinking about the years to come and what they will grow up to accomplish.  There is no doubt our lives will be changed drastically.  But I have a feeling we are about to turn a corner and our the real journey is about to unfold before us.
We are an approved family with Independent Adoption Center. Visit our profile and Dear Birthmother Letter at

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