What Does One Say About June?

Trey Darnell

By-Trey Darnell

June is here.  I am truly excited!  June has always been one of my favorite months of the year.  Maybe it’s because my birthday falls in the month of June.  Is it possible to have two favorites?  Just consider it a tie between June and December.  I love the excitement and happiness people show around the holidays and not to mention the cooler weather.  The heat and humidity in Tennessee can be a little too much, and I have already reached that point this year.  This June is going to be much different from any before.

Trey and his parents after birth.  Trey was born on Father's Day.

Trey and his parents after birth. Trey was born on Father’s Day.

We both have settled back into routine following our wonderful visit to Abilene to meet the expectant family that we have matched with.  I can honestly say that some part of me is still there emotionally, and I guess physically, I think I left a sock at the hotel.  Today marks 98 days from the anticipated due date.  98 days!  That seems so soon and yet so far away.  What do we do?  What needs to get accomplished between now and then?  We turn our focus to the month of June.

June 2013 has the potential to change everything as we currently know it.  The LGBT community is no longer years and months away from a ruling by the Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS) on issues surrounding marriage equality.  We are now only days away from the decisions on California’s Proposition 8 and the much broader Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA).  It is time for forward movement and time to leave inequality behind.  No longer talks of separate but equal.  It is time for just equal. There are a lot of people anxious for the month of June to hurry along.

Marriage Equalty @ SCOTUS

Marriage Equalty @ SCOTUS

I have always tried to figure out a way to celebrate June as my birthday month, and I have been unsuccessful.  This year it will be somewhat a month long celebration.  June 2013 has been designated as LGBT Pride Month.  That is exciting.  An entire month!  The 17th will be my day though.  A day I will be celebrating my 33rd birthday (34th as Matthew would say).  We plan to use this month to spend time with family and friends as we continue to prepare for the arrival of Baby T-Rex in September.  Since it is officially LGBT Pride Month, I wanted to share an excerpt of an interview we did in the first couple of months of our adoption journey.  Sometimes it is good to look back and reminisce.  You can read the whole interview here.  We are so happy to share our story with you and are excited that you are a part of our journey.

Q What obstacles have you run into as a hopeful adoptive gay couple?

Finding the right agency for us was a definite obstacle.  There are a lot of Christian-based adoption agencies in our region as well as in our surrounding states.  We both are Christian, and we were shocked about how we were received when it came to our desire to adopt.  One agency offered to let us pay them their fee, but they would not promote us like other families.  If we found the birth family, they would proceed with the steps to complete the adoption.  This was very disappointing to both of us, but we didn’t veer off course.

Q What’s been the best part? 

When you make the enormous decision on what journey you will take to growing your family you then learn what it will take to get there.  You basically open up your life to be reviewed.  Everything from medical history and medical tests to financial stability is scrutinized.  Someone even comes into your home, on multiple occasions, and decides if you are going to have a child.  Then you create marketing material.  The text gets reviewed and edited along with pictures and layout.  You read books and attend a weekend intensive course.  It takes months to complete.

You might be thinking how does this have anything to do with the best part?  The day when everything is complete, and you are an approved waiting family, you feel like an overnight success.  An overnight success that took four months.  We received our Dear Birthmother Letter when Matthew was working.  I waited what seemed like days for him to get home so we could share the joy of opening them together.  This is no joke, it felt absolutely amazing to see our very own letter after seeing so many of them of the families before us.  We felt like we truly worked hard to represent who we are as individuals and as a couple, and we were truly happy how it turned out

Q Why do you think there’s still so much opposition to gay adoption? 

I personally think that the opposition comes from misinformation as well as ideas and a thought process that is outdated and taught.  There are a lot of people and organizations that are working hard to educate people that there isn’t any difference in a child raised by a heterosexual couple versus a same-sex couple.  While you have one group using recent data from research saying there is no issue, there is another group using data from research several decades ago that didn’t even include same-sex couples in their research.

 Q Do you think attitudes are changing?

We both feel positive and optimistic about new studies and commentary that show the tide is changing among individuals in the United States.  It is also encouraging by all the changes happening around the world.  The Supreme Court is set to hear arguments on DOMA and Prop 8, as well as the push for equality is full steam ahead.  We have great representation and positive images of gay individuals as well as couples in numerous television shows and media outlets.  I guess I will use my chance to reference Dan Savage.  I honestly believe that every day it gets better.

Q What do you know about the open adoption process now that you wish you had known when you started?

I wish we had known that we didn’t need to worry about “the what-ifs.”  We didn’t need to fit into a certain box to become parents and we didn’t need to say this or that to become parents.  All we had to do was be ourselves, and everything else would happen when it is/was supposed to. Fortunately, we learned it truly early on in our journey.

Thanks for reading.  You can read the rest of the interview here.

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