We recently returned from a trip to Denver to visit with my sister and her family. It was a great trip. I completely logged off all my techie tools (ok, almost, there was a periodic post to Facebook of the cousins playing). It was a great feeling. The trip was just what I needed, a change of scenery especially after what felt like a very long winter.
However as I boarded the plane on Monday I couldn’t escape the feeling of being under the mommy microscope. Or the feeling that I rely on other people too much to help with the kids. I think about it and I was always handing off my youngest to either my mother, my step-father or my sister so I could take care of my oldest.
I noticed last night after story-time at the library, the boys and I went to a park with another family, and again I found myself passing off my youngest to take care of the oldest. (I’m pretty lucky these people are great, and trustworthy.) And again, last night as I laid in bed all I could think about is why I cant just do it all.
I worry about what my sister, mother, step-father and these new family friends think of my lack of multi-tasking. I worry they say, ‘she passes off Theo way too much’. I worry they think I expect them to help.
I feel like I fail at that part of parenting. Not able to multi-task.
When I signed up to become a single mother by choice, I did my research. Boy did I do my research. But the one thing that isn’t written anywhere is how to handle multiple tasks at once. Nowhere does it say this multi-tasking is a required trait of motherhood.
Since the three of us haven’t spent too much time together this past week and we are heading into a couple of busy weeks for us, I am completely stressed about my lack of multi-tasking and getting through these next weeks. How am I going to handle a birthday party? How am I going to handle a garage sale? Cleaning the house? Play dates? Unfinished projects around the house? And quality time together?
I woke up early this morning due to this stress, and thought I had an idea that could work – Ergo Baby Carrier – but failed immediately once I saw the price. In addition, my youngest is completely mobile and wouldn’t want any part of it. I’m back to the blank slate for ideas. And maybe there aren’t any brilliant ideas and I just need to take it one day at a time, be kind to myself and not worry what others think.