Working Mom v. Stay-At-Home Mom

By Rosy Barren

A colleague recently told me that she just couldn’t imagine how hard it must be for me to put trust in my nanny while I’m at work. “I just don’t know how you do it,” she said.  She’s pregnant and will have the luxury of staying at home. Her judgments have begun. Whether we’re willing to admit it or not, as moms we judge and are judged. I’m tired of being judged but I will never stop judging, I can’t help myself. But she with her opinions before even having birthed her child made me cringe. I wanted to say thank you very much for throwing in my face that which I obsess about daily, thank you for making me feel like a horrible mom because I have to provide for my family, thank you for reminding me how much less fortunate I am than you, thank you very much for your insensitivities. Instead I said “Yeah, it’s tough.” I was furious after I abruptly ended our conversation. How dare she? It’s hard enough that I recently stopped nursing my second, that I don’t see my kids nearly as often as I would like, that I wish I could be with them every waking hour. I wish I didn’t have to work. But then I started realizing, it’s hard to be a stay-at-home-mom, I know this because I have flexibility in my schedule and sometimes when I get a long string of taking care of my kids, I appreciate the break that work gives me. I like motivating to look good, be smart, and talk with grown-ups. Kids exhaust you, raising them is hard and not having balance in my judgmental opinion can make you complacent. I know stay-at-home moms who take any chance they can to get on the computer just to escape, they plan play dates accompanied with wine, they are bored to tears and they’ll admit it in intimate settings. So perhaps said colleague will become a tired, run-down, alcoholic stroller-pusher. Regardless, she has become one of those in my mind, those women that always have a better way of doing things. I’m sure her child will be speaking two languages at one!

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