I found out a good friend of mine is pregnant with twins and it got me thinking about how I was feeling this time last year when I was just two weeks away from delivering my boy/girl twins. I was terrified. I think I was sick to my stomach most days, not only having to do with my pregnancy because yes, I hate to tell you, it continues into the third trimester, but because I truly had no idea what I was in for. All I knew was that on every level, my life was no longer my own. We suddenly had full time help coming to live in our home, my sane, balanced life was about to be disrupted by sleepless nights, crazy hormones, fights with my wife, tidying that never stops, and endless laundry. I had no idea that tiny little hearts beating on my chest would make it all worth while. I remember turning to Susan and saying “Why didn’t you remind me that I love our children?” I had forgotten when I was pregnant that the bond is so strong and for me so immediate that everything else falls away. Yes this year has been chaos. I have had more failure moments as a mother this year than any before it, but now as my twins approach one, our family is full of life.
Our son hugs -actually holds tight, squeezes like a tiny little monkey. His laughs make me cry. His smile is infectious and he bangs on things, loves making noise. He holds any given toy up in the air and yells with the power of a mighty lion. Our little man is tiny, below the charts, yet he is a masterful eater. He out-eats all of us and will eat anything. He is completely independent until he topples over. I can’t help but think about how lucky his sisters will be to have him as their brother.
Our twin daughter is a lover of her Mama, she follows me around like a champ, tracks me in a room and makes sure she’s in my arms at all times. She loves music and dances from a seating position by moving her hips back and forth, waving her little arms around. She is genuinely happy until she’s not and then everyone in the neighborhood knows. She makes herself heard! She flips the light on every day for me with a huge proud smile. She continued my morning tradition when I forgot by grabbing her brother on his belly and saying “Tika Tika Tika.” He laughed and suddenly I realized she was doing what I do to them both daily–she was tickling.
They team up together– jump in the dishwasher when we’re not looking and pull everything out of the bathroom cabinet each morning as I shower. They laugh together, with each other and at each other. They are inseparable.
And our oldest, she prevails in the most valiant way. She has made it through this year! Through the tears, sometimes feeling like it will never stop. Today when the entire family went Christmas tree shopping and our son had had enough and began crying on the way home, she said very calmly “Why is he still doing that? He slept, he ate, he doesn’t need a dipes change, what is wrong with him?” She is patient and loving. I asked her to watch over the twins while we carried in our new couch. This was the first time I left the three of them in a room together alone for at least 15 minutes. I had given the twins bottles. When I walked in, the bottles were tossed aside and all three kids were gathered around the ipad dancing to music. They looked up at me with bright smiling faces and our future flashed before me. The future laughs and card games, holidays, fights, late night talks, dances, so many firsts. How could I have ever been afraid of this?
So, for you, going to into twindom, you have nothing to fear. Yes you will be tired. Yes you will likely hate your significant other on certain days, yes it is hard, sometimes feels impossible, but at the end of my first year, it is all that I could ask for.