Q & A on Single Surrogacy Part 1

The Next Family

By: Kelly Rummelhart

I’m still waiting to hear back from a few of my single surrogate friends, so I’m hoping by next week to be able to speak for some other women who are in the same situation as I am. For now, I suppose I’ll just answer a few of the questions I posed to them.

Were you single when you applied to be a surrogate?
No. Of the three times I applied to be a surrogate, I was married to the same man.

If not, at what point in the process did you become single?
My husband left our marriage less than a month after my embryo transfer in our third and final surrogacy.

Are you single (as in alone) or are you single with a partner (you just aren’t married)?
I am completely single at the moment.

For married people, usually their husband is their major support system . . . who is yours?
At this point in time my support system consists of my best friend Stacie and her husband Paul, other friends, as well as an extensive online group of surrogates.

What do you see as being the positives and/or negatives of being a single surrogate?
I am so new to being a single surrogate that I’m not sure about these. I guess a positive is that I haven’t gained as much weight, since I don’t sit around eating with my husband like I used to. I also don’t have someone who will run out at 10:30pm for ice cream either.

Part of me is not looking forward to the time after the birth, since this time around I won’t have as much help with my children while healing from a c-section. However, this is more because of my mother not being able to come help after the birth (at this point in time) and my ex won’t be around to help out in her absence (not that he did before either).

I am sure after going through the entire pregnancy I will be able to revisit this question with some honest answers.

What are your thoughts on dating while being a pregnant single surrogate? Open to it? No Way? Why or why not?
I am not adverse to dating during a surrogacy if I found the right person. However, I am not sure there are too many people who would want to date someone who is pregnant . . . all the hormones and other “fun” side effects of pregnancy aren’t a major turn-on I’m sure.

I am not sure how I feel about sex in this situation. First of all it would have to be someone that I would want to be intimate with while pregnant and they would have to be comfortable going through the screening process and acknowledge the need to remain monogamous. I think a lot of people may have issues with this, so I think it may be easier to just remain abstinent for the final months of my surrogacy, or at least limit sexual contact to behaviors that cannot spread sexually transmitted diseases.

Would you be a single surrogate again?
If I weren’t already on my last journey, I’m not sure how I would respond to this question. I guess I would have to wait to see how this entire journey went before I could make an educated decision. I do know that if I had a choice I would have a partner or spouse who would be a major support throughout the entire journey.

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