A Day in the Life of a Deviant Married Lesbian Mommy
By: Tanya Dodd-Hise
So in watching all of the craptastic Republican jargon being thrown around over the past many weeks and months, I thought that perhaps I should take a good, hard look at this life that I’m leading and the family of which I am part. Some of the candidates have declared that they wanted for marriage to be just like it is in the Constitution – I swear to God they’ve said it! To this I constantly will yell at the TV or internet, “I’ve read the original Constitution several times and it says NOT ONE WORD about marriage in it!!!!” Others have talked about homosexuals being deviants, unnatural, something that makes God “sad.” Oh no. I had no idea. Again I decided that I might ought to take a look at my apparently deviant life. So here it is. A day in the life of a deviant married lesbian mommy.
7:15 AM – Alarm goes off; snooze gets hit.
7:25 AM – Alarm goes off again. Snooze may very well get hit again.
7:35 AM – Alarm goes off again. OK I’m up; gotta get Noah up for school. Praying that baby girl Harrison stays asleep long enough for me to get him out the door.
7:45 AM – Make sure that Noah gets breakfast, gets dressed in matching clothes, homework in backpack, and teeth brushed.
8:15 AM – Noah out the door to awaiting ride. I make a bottle for Harrison and wait for her to wake up, if she hasn’t already.
8:30 to 9:00 AM – Change Harrison’s diaper. Feed Harrison. Burp Harrison. Get puked on by Harrison.
10:00 AM – Put Harrison down for morning nap. Maybe I will lie down and nap with her, too. Maybe I will have some coffee. Maybe I will throw some laundry in. I might even shower.
11:30 AM – Harrison usually wakes up. Changer her diaper again and give her meds. We play for a bit. If we have somewhere to go, she will go in her bouncer in the bathroom while I shower. If staying in, we move to the den where she might play in her bouncer or swing.
12:00 to 12:30 PM – Feed Harrison. Burp Harrison. Get puked on by Harrison. Play with Harrison a bit more, and hope that she gets tired so that I can maybe eat some lunch.
2:00 to 4:00 PM – Hope that somewhere during this two-hour timeframe that Harrison will take a nap. During this time I might clean one day, do laundry another day, edit photos another day.
4:00 PM – Noah gets out of school; goes to the band hall to practice his instrument for thirty minutes. Some days I will take Harrison in the stroller to the walking track and we will walk a few miles – she usually naps during this venture out.
4:30 PM – Pickup Noah and Dee from school if it is rainy or too cold; otherwise they will walk home.
4:45 PM – Noah and Dee home from school; gotta find them a snack and get them at the dining room table doing homework. Now I need to figure out what we’re going to have for dinner.
5:30 PM – Start dinner. Have Noah unload the dishwasher and sometimes take out the trash and recycling. Erikka usually comes home from work around this time, where she takes over with Harrison (with a bottle by now) so I can finish making dinner.
6:30 PM – Michelle picks up Dee for the evening. We have dinner…hopefully. Harrison will usually swing while we eat. Sometimes, on rare occasions now, we might go out to eat for dinner. I know, settle down – it’s a thrill a minute around here!
7:00 to 8:00 PM – Family time, usually hanging out in the den. Harrison might nap and also get her evening meds. We might catch up on some DVR’d programs. Noah sometimes hangs out and watches TV with us, or plays in his room.
8:00 PM – Noah in the shower.
8:30 PM – Make sure that Noah does his reading, at least thirty minutes. Harrison will probably have another bottle between now and 9:30 PM.
9:00 PM – Noah in bed with teeth brushed and headgear on.
11:30 PM – I usually hope to get into bed by now. Erikka is already there, and often already asleep. I might watch TV for thirty minutes or so.
12:00 AM – Usually lights out and TV off. Only a few more hours before the alarm goes off and we do it all over again.
So there it is. I know it’s crazy and offensive to a LOT of conservative Americans. I know that my family doesn’t deserve to have the same rights and privileges as all of our hetero counterparts…I understand. When you live such an outlandish lifestyle like we do, then the government has to take it upon itself to step in and make decisions for all of us.
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