Big Sister

By: Brandy Black

My Dearest Sophia,

Four months ago today I wrote you a letter about the journey you were about to take in becoming an older sister.  This is not new territory for Mom, but to me, Mama, it is foreign.  I was nervous for you as I can’t imagine going from only child status to having to share all that love and attention that you have been getting.  To this day I don’t share attention well. I like it all from the people I love, I’m quite demanding in my need for attention and hugs and adoration.  But you my darling, have traversed this unknown territory these last five weeks in the most graceful way.  You ask me daily if you are a good big sister and with no question I tell you how lucky Penn and Bella are to have you in their lives.  You entertain them each morning by pulling out their basket of toys and playing “Santa Claus”.  You ask them what they want for Christmas in a deep jolly tone and I create a voice that we imagine them to have (with your approval of course) and then you give them their presents.  You wave the buzzing bumblebee over their heads and tell them about the colors and sounds.

At night you read them a book (from memory because you can’t read yet) and then sing “Great Big Stars” with Mom and me.  You love them so much.

The other night when I had all three of you by myself and the babies started crying at once and you wanted my attention after having been at school all day, I told you I needed your help. And rather than having a meltdown because I truly haven’t been as attentive as usual, you immediately did what I asked –“get their pacifiers from the living room” “hand me the wipes please” “sit next to me and watch Clifford the Big Red Dog” –all of my commands you took on as the big sister that I always wished I could be.

I don’t know how you are feeling about all of this.  I ask you and you tell me you love Penn and Bella. You also tell me that you miss me, and, my love, I miss you.  I will always want more time with you, I will always be amazed by you, I will always love you no matter what.  Remember unconditional love?  You are learning about this right now.  I will not stop loving you no matter how mad you are at me or how upset I may get at you.  I adore you for how you are handling this transition and as I said to you on the way to school last week through tears and a shaky voice: you are forever lucky to have siblings.  You will all watch out for each other, you will always take care of one another and if my prayers are answered, you will love each other no matter the differences.

I’m so very proud of the girl you’ve become.  Lying next to you on your bed last night talking about your day, I hoped that this would be our tradition through all your years.  I hope you know that my love for you has not changed or lessened, you are and always will be my angel.  Oh and yes you are a fantastic big sister!

Here you are chewing gum for the very first time

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