Removing the Arrow

The Next Family

We’re 10 weeks along in this pregnancy and I’m feeling good. This upcoming week I will be released to my OB, who will follow me through the rest of this pregnancy. We are almost out of the first trimester, if you can believe it. Pregnancy-wise, the last few weeks have been boring, EXACTLY how I like my surrogacy pregnancies. However, in my personal life, not so boring the last few weeks.

I will summarize. About a month ago, on the way to our family Disney vacation (we wanted the kids to see it decorated for Christmastime) my husband of 11 years told me he didn’t want to be married any longer or work on our marriage. I was totally blind-sided; I thought we’d be married forever. Now, I’m going to try to keep this surrogacy-related and state that even though my life as I know it has crumbled around me the last month, the goal of giving my IPs a healthy baby has not changed.

I did tell my IPs what happened when I saw them the week of Christmas and they did look worried. Like I stated from my own blog:

Who can blame them? Rick and I look so great on paper…in our profile you see a monogamous couple that has been together for 13 years and married for 11, with three beautiful kids and two successful surrogacies under our belt. If they wanted a single mother of three children as their surrogate, they would’ve picked her. Unfortunately, that’s what they have now and I feel awful for them. I have tried to let them know that regardless of what is happening in my personal life, I am still 100% on board for this journey.

They were so sweet, as were my past IPs. All were totally in shock and all have offered support with emails, texts, and phone calls. My current IPs said, “We had such a wonderful time with you and it was so nice to hang out. We were so sad to hear about you and Rick though. It is such a tough time for you, but we wanted to let you know that we were glad you were honest with us and shared your news, tough as it was to share such personal news with people you are just getting to know. We are reassured that it won’t change things regarding our baby. We hope things work out for you both.”

George and Sanj said, “Can’t help feeling a bit guilty- you make our families complete only to have yours come under so much stress.”

I will be honest when I say it was never my intention to do this, or any other surrogacy journey alone. However, I am not going to dwell on things I cannot change. My view from these last few weeks is: protect my children, this fetus, and myself and move on. I am a strong woman and I will be fine.

A friend posted a quote from Pema Chodron that spoke to me:

No matter what happened to us in the past, right now we can take responsibility for working compassionately with our habits, thoughts, and emotions. We can take the emphasis off who hurt us and put it on disentangling ourselves. If someone shoots an arrow into my chest, I can let the arrow fester while I scream at my attacker, or I can remove the arrow as quickly as possible.

I have removed the arrow.

Kelly Rummelhart writes about her experiences as a two-time gestational surrogate for gay couples. She calls herself a “Uterine Activist” and will be the first to tell you that her uterus is an ally. Kelly also writes at Just The

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