Pregnancy: To Be or Not To Be
By: Lex Jacobson
By the time this is published on TNF, I will probably know whether I’m pregnant or not. The two-week wait (2WW) between insemination and pregnancy test day is tougher than I thought; I now understand why everyone has such a hard time with it.
I’ve over-analyzed every twinge, cramp, and food craving. I got a stomach bug this week, which I’m still trying to decide was a result of some bad food, or a pregnancy sign. I’ve gone through days where I know for sure that there is life inside of me, and other days where I’m so sure I’m not pregnant.
My partner, Devon, is so positive that I’m pregnant. I was right there with her the first week, and then doubt crept in during the second week, even though I swore at the beginning that I wouldn’t let it. I’m realizing how exhausting positivity is, and then how draining negativity is. Funny that.
What I do know is that whatever happens will be for a reason. I have to believe that. I can’t get wrapped up in the fact that if I’m not pregnant, my mat leave will not perfectly overlap my best friend’s mat leave. If I’m not pregnant, we won’t have a baby before Devon’s 40th, which we both want.
But if I am pregnant – and I’m back on that wagon – I will be absolutely thrilled and know that this is definitely our time. I don’t like that other people are waiting on the results, and I hope that nobody will be pushy to find out. I just want this to by my and Devon’s (and baby’s) moment. It’s such a personal life-altering moment though, and as a writer, I’m thrilled to share, and as a human, I’m scared to share. When it comes down to it, I’ll be excited to share the good news, or feel blessed that I have a community of support if this month is just not our month.
Please, 2WW…just hurry the hell up.