Living in the NOW

Chris Coyne

By: Chris Coyne

The call with the potential birthmother went really well. It took me a few weeks to recover from not being picked. Until we get chosen by a birthmother our lives will be filled with a certain amount of uncertainty. She chose the other couple even though we had a great conversation with her. It is hard to not make it an us-versus-them-thing. After some time we have dealt with it. One of the signs of my acceptance was my shock when the phone rang again a couple of days ago. We are a bit more guarded this time. I refuse to think of this as any more than it is: a slight possiblity.

Anything is possible with adoption. We should feel like adoption pros at this point. We have experienced a failed adoption and a successful adoption. We have been through the worst and the best adoption has to offer. Although we feel very vulnerable. A complete stranger is making a choice about us. I want her to know above everything else that we are meant to be the parents of her
child.

I recall before being matched –and way before we ever became parents –daydreaming about holding our baby, rocking him or her to bed. Fantasizing about sleeping in on Saturdays and watching cartoons in bed as a family. These things have all come true since, but so much more has come to pass. The reality of parenthood is so much better than I had imagined and so much harder at the same time. I am enjoying the day-to-day challenges of keeping up with a very active toddler. Cj is amazing. At night when I am putting him to bed I rock him a little more and a little longer than I used to. I stop and reflect on the moment so much more than before. I am going to try to start living in the NOW more. Soon Cj will be a big brother. His life is going to change when the new baby comes. We remain hopefully optimistic while enjoying each other before we change, again, forever…

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