By: Tanya Dodd-Hise
I’m one of those people who is always thinking about…something. And mind you, my thinking is often very scattered and random, given that I have the ADHD pretty bad and have been without medication for it for a while now. I remember having this when I was pregnant before, this “pregnancy brain”, but am I now having some kind of weird sympathy pregnancy brain??
There are always plenty of things going through my brain at any given time, which can sometimes be fascinating and thought-provoking; other times it is a chaotic mess! Since the beginning of this pregnancy, many of my thoughts have been those of “Oh my God I’m going to be a mom again…of a BABY!” or “Man I am SO old to be starting all over again!” But then right behind those thoughts are those that tell me that it’s all going to be wonderful, and we will soon have this beautiful baby girl here and will be taking care of her together.
I’ve noticed, over the past year or so, that we have become the homebody, boring couple among the large circle of friends that we have shared our lives with these past several years. We haven’t seen, in a very long time, many of those who we used to spend a lot of time with prior to preparing for pregnancy and parenthood. Months before we took the steps to actually try for a pregnancy, we went on a hardcore diet that involved no alcohol or junk food in order to lose weight and get healthier. This limited our going out to eat and/or drink, and consequently REALLY limited our somewhat small social life as well. Once we got pregnant, we really felt a noticeable isolation from our friends who either had no children, or who had children that were already older or grown. Fortunately for us, we really love each other’s company – because lately, that’s all we spend our time with. Does this happen to everyone? Is this a strange, new phenomenon that I wasn’t aware of the last two times I had babies? I guess because I was younger when each of the boys were born it was different – my friends were also having babies or had young kids. But this time it is totally different. Most of the time we are okay with staying home and not doing things with other people, but other times it seems kind of lonely and doesn’t feel nice to think that your friends don’t want to hang out anymore. The intellectual part of my random brain KNOWS that as life moves and goes on, people change, situations change, friends grow apart and paths lead them in different directions; sometimes the heart just doesn’t like to accept that.
Another random thought that goes through my mind is worrying about all of the crap that we apparently need for this baby, and that we DON’T have! We have had two baby showers thus far and gotten a truckload of stuff, and have two more showers on the books for later on this month. The nursery is covered up with baby clothes of all sizes and styles, and this child will be able to wear a different outfit every day and not repeat for months and months, if not the first year! We’ve purchased (and finally put together) the crib, dresser, bookshelf, and recliner/glider. We’ve been given the ever-important Diaper Genie, as well as many, many other little accessories that are of the utmost importance. But as I survey everything, I’m thinking that there are SO many more things that one MUST have for baby that we are still lacking…yikes! I think back to when Nicholas was born, 20 years ago, and that I didn’t have even HALF the crap that this baby will have; and 11 years ago when I had Noah, he didn’t even have his own nursery because he shared a room with his older brother. Things are certainly different now, and our baby girl will have her own room with every luxury that a baby could want or need.
Most of all, I am constantly thinking about how loved this baby will be. She will have two moms that wanted her more than anything, and how we nurtured her so consciously every day while she was growing and preparing to join us here. She will have two big brothers who cannot wait to meet her. She will have grandparents, some biological and some chosen, along with a myriad of aunties and uncles who also cannot wait to meet her. But my hope for her, more than ever, is that she will have a world that is more equal today than it was when her brother Noah was born, more than when her brother Nicholas was born, and most certainly more than when her mommies were born. I pray that she never has to worry about being treated equal because she is a girl. I pray that not only is she never bullied because of who she is, who her parents are, or what she looks like, but that she never has to deal with it with a friend either. I pray that she will have every opportunity for equality and fairness in her education and ultimately in her career path.
These are the random thoughts today. THIS is my stream of consciousness.