My Body as a Dwelling

Lex Jacobson

By: Lex Jacobson

I have my first insemination in just two weeks. During this entire getting-ready-for-pregnancy journey, I’ve realized something very important: I never really bothered to take care of myself until I was getting ready to take care of a future fetus.

Two years ago, I started to wean my anti-depressants and my anti-anxieties. Just last week, I dropped down to the level of medication that my reproductive psychiatrist and I decided would be healthy for me and my baby. After a year of putting if off, I went to a doctor about chronic pain issues and have been treating them for almost three years. I took my vitamins, I stopped drinking, and I changed my diet – including quitting drinking cola and eating foods made with unnatural preservatives. Over the last year, if I’ve felt under the weather, I’ve done something about it. I’ve seen both Eastern and Western healthcare practitioners. I’ve started meditating. I rest when possible.

Before thinking of my body as a home for my future baby, I didn’t really care about it so much – as long as it looked okay from the outside. Planning this baby has probably been the best thing that’s ever happened to my health. I don’t know whether my apathy was a lack of respect for myself by feeling like it wouldn’t be worth all the work if it was only for me, or whether it was just pure exhaustion from not feeling much relief from a few of my chronic conditions, but I’m thankful the apathy is fading and I’m treating myself the way I deserve to be treated.

Yes, my body and mind could be healthier; we all know I’m not having a completely natural pregnancy. But I feel as though I’ve done everything that I could, for right now. And for once in my life, I’m so proud of myself for making some changes – for the baby, and for me.

So, baby… I’m ready for you. More ready than I’ve ever been.

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