Hurry Up and Wait

The Next Family

By: Kelly Rummelhart

One of the main things I’ve learned from being a surrogate is patience.  As a parent, I had become very good at it, but as a surrogate, I have become an expert on patience.  You see, things can move at a snail’s pace during the process . . . and then all of a sudden, something needs to be signed and faxed back ASAP . . . and then you wait for a few more weeks.

There are some surrogates who will apply, screen, match, and transfer within two to three months.  For others the same steps may take six months to a year.  It just really depends.  Maybe you have Intended Parents who can’t make a decision on an egg donor, maybe things are finally moving along and then the donor backs out or is unavailable for a few months, or maybe the communication between the lawyers (regarding the contract) isn’t going very smoothly.  It can also be hard to get the IPs, the surrogate, the egg donor and the doctor’s office’s schedules synched.  It may be that someone is working out of town, or has a vacation planned, who knows?

In my first journey I applied in October, we matched in December, but didn’t transfer until the end of March.  I have a friend who matched with her IPs in May, had a transfer scheduled in September (that didn’t happen) and then they didn’t actually transfer until February of the next year!  Not all surrogate’s journeys are the same.  Hell, for those who do more than one journey, those will not be the same either.  Whether it takes you 3 months or over a year, there is going to be a lot of hurry up and wait during the entire process . . . applying, screening, matching, contracts, starting your medication, transfers, and sometimes other transfers if it doesn’t take the first time.  I tell new surrogates to take a deep breath and try to enjoy the process because before you know it, they will be giving birth and creating a family.  After all, good things come to those who wait, right?

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