By: Brandy Black
My New Year’s resolution for 2011 was to be “helpable”. Every year I make a bold resolution with one word that represents a huge step for me. Some years I have not chosen wisely, like the year of “disappointment”, when the goal was to let things be, try not to control, enjoy life as it unfolds –but instead we watched many things crumble right before our very eyes. It was a great learning year but in retrospect I might have been clearer with my intentions. I have since learned to be very specific about my wants.
Helpable –learn to lean on others.
Helpable –don’t try to take everything on all by yourself like you usually do.
Helpable –be open and accessible.
Helpable –let go and enjoy the ride.
Not too far into January my “word” had begun to transpire in my life. I opened myself up to support emotionally, support with work, support with Sophia, with my marriage, from my wife. Things started to really take shape. What I did not know when I carefully chose this word was that my life was about to change in a drastic way that would give me no other option but to be completely, utterly, helplessly helpable: I am pregnant with twins! This was not part of the plan, not on the radar, and now it has surprisingly thrown me for a loop. I’m rapidly realizing that I can’t do this without a great deal of help, without whole-heartedly surrendering to the path that is before me.
I’m the luckiest girl in the world to now have two more beautiful children to love, to grow my already incredible family, but I’ll be honest; I’m terrified. Every day I feel like I have to convince myself that I’m going to be able to do this and that I won’t fuck it up. I literally have to take one breath at a time and one step at a time because when I try to look beyond, I get overwhelmed at the unanswered questions.
I guess next year I will have to be very strategic with my word because I’m going to need it.