Gay Dad: Being “That” Dad

By: Don Todd

After reading some of the articles about the struggles of finding a surrogate or adopting a baby I am really thankful for having my daughter in my life. I had Grace with a girl I dated before coming-out; I like to call it my “quarter life” crisis. Grace is the most important thing in my life, and, with an incredible man by my side, I know I have the family I have always dreamed about.

We have a great relationship with Grace’s mother and do everything we can to raise her together. The only problem we run in to is the distance. Grace and her mother live three hours away from us. Weekend “runs” to pick her up for the week and drive her home are adventures, to say the least. We are happy to do it, even to spend just a few hours with our girl. It’s the point that we turn around and drive home that kills me. When I hear her say to me, “I go home with you guys” it breaks my heart.

This really hit me this week when I drove up to spend a few days with her while Gregg was working. She wanted to go for a drive and play in the play land at McDonalds. I caved, like I usually do, and took her there. But I felt like that dad you see in the movies, taking the kids out for lunch for the day and then dropping them off on his way out of town.

We do have it really easy having Grace in our life. I would not change what we have for anything. But I feel like I am missing out on so much, living so far away from her. In reality I have to be where I am to be able to have a job to support all that I need to. I just feel like the divorced father every time I leave her to come back home.


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