Hope Against the Odds

The Next Family

By: Lex Jacobson

I have been incredibly blessed with a community of lesbian bloggers who is going through, or has gone through, the process of trying to conceive. When I started my own blog, I was brand-new to the TTC world. (In fact, I had no idea what TTC even meant, but have learned that the Trying To Conceive acronym is just one of many that has become everyday language to me.) I have virtually met couples from all over the world who have embarked on the conception journey, or who have already gone through it and now have children, and it does make me feel less alone in this.

For the most part, I find the experience incredibly positive and am lucky to have people to look towards for questions that I may have. Before meeting my first RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist), I did a call-out for what questions I should ask, and was blown away by the amount of helpful answers. I also like that I have a community where I can talk and talk and talk about babies and not wear anyone out, like I feel I’m doing in my “real” world.

One pretty consistent thing with these bloggers is the excruciatingly painful length of time that passes from the first insemination attempt to actually becoming pregnant. Sometimes nine months. Sometimes over three years. Some get pregnant within the first three tries, but that is rare.

The vast majority of my blog readers are supportive, regardless of their personal experiences – or maybe because of their personal experiences. I did have one reader comment on my blog (and later remove it) saying that I should give up trying to conceive now, before I start. That the whole experience will tear my marriage apart and leave me feeling hollow and empty. That I am not strong enough to go through with it. Perhaps it was her projecting (she finally gave up after three years and three IVF attempts), or perhaps it was her trying to shield me.  I don’t know. And though I’m sure she didn’t mean it to be anything but helpful, it was tough to read. How does she know that I’m not strong enough for this? Who is she to critique the foundation of my marriage?

While I understand that infertility is part of the journey and the struggle, what I’ve found is that for us just starting out, there is not a lot of room to write about hope. When it comes time for my first insemination, I think it is my right to go into, and write about, this journey informed AND hopeful. I know the statistics, and yes, I am aware that it won’t be easy. But let a girl hope for and dream of the (near) impossible.

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