Gay Adoption: Bringing the Baby Home

The Next Family

By: Chris Coyne

Chris Coyne's Baby


Naming your child is a huge undertaking.  Your child will be stuck with your name choice for the rest of his life.  It is so much pressure!  To make it even harder, every person in your life has something to say about your unborn child’s name.  Everyone wants to know the name but hates it when you share it.  I shared the name Bastian with our birthmother Aimee at some point and that’s what we called him until his birth.   I loved the name Bastian.  Everyone else hated it.  Jon hated it. A couple days before delivery we were sitting on the sofa chatting about everything baby and both our moms told us to change the name.  They both liked the idea of naming our firstborn son  after both of us…because we could.  It made sense.  We could!  I was a bit stubborn about not wanting to call him JC. It must seem like I wanted my name to be first but that is not true.  I just didn’t like JC. So we named him Christopher Jon.  CJ.

Bringing home your newborn son should be a great celebration.   It was so exciting driving home after our two-day stay at Cedars.  It was also the longest one-mile car ride of my life.  We had spent the last day bonding with our perfect little boy.  Most of the time in the nursery we learned how to feed, bathe, and change his tiny little diapers.  He was perfect.  We ran back and forth from our shared hospital room. Aimee let us crash on the floor in her less roomy post-delivery room.  She had access to the nursery but she did not go in.  We had formed  a close bond that day in the hospital with Aimee.  The hospital was a safe place where we could talk about our future and our relationship now that our baby was here.  We all thought it would be amazing if we could keep this closeness.  We all slept in the room the last night.  We took turns with the feedings.  It was not hard watching her hold him, feed him, or stare at him.  It was amazing to see the undeniable love she had for him.

Unfortunately that bond began to disappear the moment we arrived at our house.  I was overwhelmed by everything.  Our moms were so excited, CJ was screaming, Aimee’s dauthter wanted to see the baby, and Aimee and she had the flu.  I panicked!  I yelled and I had a bit of a breakdown.  We were going to have to deal with all of it at once and it was going to be hard.  I took CJ in his room and took him out of his clothes.  I quieted him down, and gave him over to the poor grandmas who loved him way too much already.  Aimee and I took off to the apartment a couple hours later.  We knew the perfect world of open adoption did not exist.  We knew Aimee could not deal with an ongoing relationship.  She was going to have to move on after her trip to Los Angeles.

A couple days later we dropped her and her daughter off at the airport.  There were no tears.  It was over.  She was returning to her life and leaving us the most amazing gift a person could have offered.

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