Adoption Story: Why Didn’t She Call?
By: Chris Coyne
The financial cost was really adding up. We traded in the sports car for a huge SUV that could shlep around all the gear we were sure to need for the girls. We purchased two cribs, car seats, and enough diapers to get us through the first year, thanks to diapers.com. We were planning to have a shower after the girls were in Los Angeles, but our baby momma encouraged us to go ahead and have it. She almost made it seem like we did not trust her word. So our great amazing friends threw us a shower –at our house of course! Most of our family and friends came. It was a great day to celebrate our becoming fathers.
The time had gone by so quickly. It was early June and we were talking to our birthmother every day. She was in and out of doctor appointments for stress tests and to check her water and stuff like that. She told us over and over it was sure to be any day and we did not want to miss it! Our attorney advised us to go to New Jersey as soon as we could because she was getting close to her actual due date. So we did. We thought we might have some more time to get to know our baby momma a bit and tour around New York. We booked economy hotels by the day because we had booked a more expensive extended stay hotel with two rooms and a kitchen for after the birth. We were going to have to stay in New Jersey for a couple of weeks for post placement reasons.
We had dinner with the birthmother and her family the first day we got into town. She seemed more anxious this time, more than she was on our first meet and greet visit. She chatted a bit more and shared more about doctor visits and her anxiety about giving birth. She did not want to have a C-section but the doctors really did not want her to deliver vaginally. She was very direct and open in front of her kid! It was really uncomfortable. We were both exhausted. Not just tired from the trip, but being around them took so much energy. It was hard smiling when we were seeing some of the stuff we were seeing. You go into something like this with your own ideas about how things might work out. You know you are in a way helping the birthmother by raising her child(ren) but in a way you feel like you are rescuing a child from a really bad future.
We went into the city the next few days and our baby momma sent us a few texts updating us on doctor appointments and telling us we are going to be wonderful dads. It was clear that we had jumped the gun and gone out to New Jersey way too early. My mom had flown in for the birth of her millionth grandkids. She was also tagging along from place to place. We ended up crashing our good friend’s apartment in Brooklyn for a few days. She was not using it and it was really nice of her to let us all stay there.
As the days went by we heard less and less from our baby momma. We did not call her much but we called the hospital every morning to see if she had delivered. We were beyond excited, very cranky, and just tired of New York…and not really thrilled about having to stay in New Jersey for two weeks post delivery. We headed to Queens for a bbq on June 15th, Jon’s 34th birthday. His cousin was visiting her in-laws and she invited us over. We chatted about how excited we were and we tried to act like normal people but we felt off. Something was not right but we did not know what it was.
We tolerated each other a couple more days in the tiny Brooklyn apartment. We had lugged so much stuff to the east coast it was killing us. The car seats were bulky and they seemed to always be in the way. We had a huge duffle bag filled with everything “baby” that we might need and more than we would ever use. June 18th was our wedding anniversary and Jon and I “celebrated” with Thai food. We promised not to let the tension ruin the night but it did. We stared into space or at our phones most of the meal.
The next morning we called the hospital, just like every other morning. This time the nurse told us that our baby momma had delivered. We had planned this moment so many times but all we could do was question. Why didn’t she call?