Me Holding Two Babies

By: Heather Somaini

uphill battle with infertility coming to fruition

As the seriousness of our situation started to sink in, we realized there was only one way for us to move forward.  We had to think positively.  We couldn’t let any negative thoughts or fears creep in from the dark places we all know exist within us.  I know that sounds trite and sort of cheesy but it’s true.  I believe we attract what we want.  I think it’s a difficult concept – or maybe it was just difficult for me!

I would call my Mom on the way to work in the mornings and I could hear the concern in her voice.  It was hard to hear, knowing our situation was causing her stress.  There were times when she would start to go down a dark road about the possible outcomes if things went wrong.  I would stop her as soon as I could.  I just couldn’t let those thoughts get in my head.  I knew they would never leave.

Instead, I started telling her about my conversations with Tere and the picture I was envisioning.  It was me sitting in a chair, holding two babies.  I knew that if I kept going to that idea, that picture in my head long enough, it would come true.

Tere had that picture but another one that was even more important.  The babies’ birth date.  There was a white board in her room and there was some sort of date the nurses put up for some reason, I can’t remember.  It was confusing to Tere because we were constantly trying to get to THE date.  At first THE date was 27 weeks and then 28 and then 30….so Tere asked them to put the date on the board for when the babies would be at 35 weeks.  She wanted to focus only on that date and no others.

March 7th.

At 35 weeks, we knew they would be safe.

At 35 weeks, their lungs would be capable of breathing.

At 35 weeks, their weight would be enough to probably keep them warm.

At 35 weeks, they wouldn’t be in danger of a host of medical problems.

At 35 weeks, their development would be far enough along.

At 35 weeks, there wouldn’t be as much risk of vision, hearing, developmental and neurological problems.

At 35 weeks, they would be viable.

At 35 weeks, my family would be whole and healthy.

At 35 weeks, I would be complete.

They would look like everyone else’s – no feeding tubes, no oxygen, no eye covers to keep out the light, no incubators.  They would breathe on their own, they would eat and sleep and do all the things that every other baby did.

At 35 weeks, some nurse would take that picture of me holding two babies.

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