Try, Try Again

The Next Family

By: Heather Somaini

Two weeks passed. Tere was not pregnant. We talked to Dr. C. She said we would try again. One of the nice things about being a same-sex couple means that no one tells you to “go home and try” for a baby. Since you are essentially in need of fertility assistance from minute one, there’s very little wasted time.

Dr. C was not about to waste any time. She explained that Tere had a substantial ovarian cyst that could be affecting her getting pregnant. We would try one more time unassisted in the hopes that the other ovary would produce an egg that could be fertilized. If on try number two, she didn’t get pregnant, the cyst would have to be removed.

We crossed our fingers and Tere started back on the fertility monitor. We went back to our regular lives. Tere was working in Orange County with a very long commute from the Hollywood Hills and we both worked 12+ hour days. It was easy to just throw ourselves into our work.

A couple weeks went by. We tried again. I peppered Dr. C with questions. She was just starting to get to know me so she actually tried answering them. She learned over time that my questions never stop and slowly started just staring at me while I asked. Her answers would ultimately become what my entire day hinged on. I hung on every word she said. But we were still early on in this process so she tried.

We waited two weeks. Tere was not pregnant. Dr. C scheduled the surgery for the removal of the ovarian cyst. It was a few weeks later. It’s amazing what they can do these days in medicine. This was a laparoscopic procedure so Tere only ended up with two small incisions. Dr. K, my doctor, assisted with the surgery and everything went fine. They said we could try again in a month or so.

I took Tere home. She was back to work in a few days. A few weeks went by. Dr. C said that everything looked great and we could try again. She suggested that we move to the next stage and try a low-level fertility drug. Clomid. We agreed.

No one really tells you about the fertility roller coaster. It just starts and you’re on it. It starts out slow and flat so you don’t pay attention to what’s further down the track. You certainly know what’s down there. You’ve heard lots of stories. But they most definitely aren’t your story and you won’t have to go that far. You will be different. Yours will be easy, quick, less complicated.

This was our beginning. Quietly and without fanfare, we got on. I was so convinced it was just fine and that we were in control. Isn’t that always the way it happens? While you’re not watching, not paying attention, not realizing what the future will bring.

That’s when we realize that if we try to hold on, we’ll end up holding nothing. That the only way to come out the other side unscathed, is to let go…to trust. I was a long way away from understanding it but my roller coaster was about to begin in earnest.

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