University of Heather

The Next Family

Guest Blog by Tere Throenle

So the wonderful people (ie, Brandy) at The Next Family have demanded that I write a guest blog. As an overachiever, I’ve written three. So while Heather stays busy with this quarter’s board meeting and analyst call, you guys get me for a week and a half!

Let’s start at the beginning and that would be the first time I saw Heather’s online dating profile and picture. As you know, Heather was on the home page of the dating website I was using. I had seen her picture at least six times before I finally decided to initiate contact. Her profile virtually demanded a bold response. It was wide in range and covered all the things I love – wine, travel, fun and absolutely appealed to my label-whore personality. There was only one thing I could do – be a smart-ass.

I wrote one line. “Your smile looks like the cat that ate the canary – so did you?” I sent the email and waited. Her response came the following day.

“I did.” Chatty, wasn’t she? I wrote back.

“How was it for you?”

“Yummy.” She wasn’t being very helpful. I gave it one more try.

“Good sushi yummy or good sex yummy?”

“Both.”

“Now that’s a girl after my own heart!”

Heather responded by asking for a picture of me – such a romantic. You see Heather had rules – again with the rules! She had been burned on a date with someone with no profile picture and refused to do that again. I sent my corporate headshot and apparently made the cut.

You see Heather hasn’t told you what was really going on back then. She had been dating like crazy – up to three different girls in a day, that part you know. But there were rules about what those dates were – they were all about fun, getting to know people and absolutely no intimacy. Heather told everyone up front that she wasn’t into long walks on the beach and only if they were really interesting would they make a second date. Oh, and they all had nicknames – Six-foot Susan, GI (Gastroenterologist) Susan, Puppy, PhD – so everyone could keep them straight.

They were the freshman class at the University of Heather (yes, you heard me right). She expected to pick a couple to continue dating after the first of the year and those lucky few would graduate into sophomores and a new freshman class would emerge.
Yes, she was a little cocky – but it was fun.

I actually snuck into that first freshman class with only a few days to spare if you remember, since we met on December 25th. The ridiculously competitive side of me knew I could blow away all of the other freshman/sophomore candidates and that was my goal. I knew that when she met me, she wouldn’t want to stay at the community college any longer and would step up to the Ivy League.

I was convinced I was just in another league. And ultimately, I suppose it was true. Yes, Heather had a few more dates and had to wrap a few things up, but by Jan 4th or 5th, I had shut down the University of Heather for good and all the students had to find a new place of higher learning!

Yes, that picture is the one that was on the dating website!

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