Of Dead Bunnies, Facebook and Nazis. Again.

By: Ann Brown

So I was listening to NPR the other day and I heard something that made me think.

Generally, it’s not a good idea for me to listen to something that makes me think while I am driving because it is getting more and more difficult to focus on any one thing at a time, and if I have to choose between paying attention to the road and, say, eating, pouring EmergenC powder into my bottle of water, looking for cash or fixating on the spot of thinning hair that is showcased in my rear view mirror, well, it’s pretty much a six of one kind of thing.

Still, so far (knock wood, spit three times and swing a live chicken) I’ve managed to arrive where I am going without much collateral damage but I know it’s just a matter of time. Which should serve as a warning for those of you on the greater Portland metro roads.

Still, it’s hard to keep the mind from wandering. Or maybe it’s not wandering at all; maybe I am mentally on my way to something HUGE, something life-changing, a cure for cancer, and every time I start to get close I shake my head and yell, “snap out of it!” and concentrate on driving.

Hunh. Maybe it is the actual daydreaming that we are supposed to be doing, and the real life shit is the distraction. Go fill the bong and think about that for a while.

Back so soon?

Mostly, I think about what’s not going right in my life. I cannot get behind the “count your blessings” movement because that kind of shit leaves me with a “so, now what?” aftertaste, like after I finish what other people consider a normal portion of food but for me is merely an amuse-bouche. I mean, fuuuuck, is ONE cup of cooked rice enough for anyone?????? I spill that much onto my clothes when I eat.

And then, admittedly, I pick it off my clothes and eat it. I do it as an act of solidarity with those who have no rice. Or clothes.

I have recently, however, come across a plan to help me be more appreciative and less negative:

The bar is now set at, “there are no dead bunnies in my yard.”

Go ahead. Say it to yourself. Don’t you feel better about your life already?

I didn’t just pull this declaration out of a hat, so to speak. My friend Rich wrote on my Facebook wall that his summer was going okay, save for the dead bunnies in his yard.

That might be the most awesome thing anyone has ever written on a Facebook wall.

I mean, if one can set the bar there, if dead bunnies in your yard don’t even stop you from saying your summer is going, all things considered, OKAY, then pretty much nothing is going to harsh your mellow.

It’s like Anne Frank writing on her Facebook wall, “well, other than the Nazis finding us behind the bookcase and sending us to the death camp, it was a pretty kickass autumn.” And maybe she’d add an “LOL”. And we’d want to click “like” but we’d worry that she’d think we liked that the Nazis found her, not that we liked her status update.

God, Facebook would have been so complicated during the Holocaust. Can you imagine?

I am going to get in my car and drive to the market so I can really think about it.

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