I have another 3- 4 weeks before I start the whole process again. I’m gaining some strength back and can now see the light -albeit through a pinhole. I am able to celebrate that I can have a drink and exercise and give my belly a break from all of the pricks. I’m not ordinarily such a dark person but this process has certainly thrown me for a loop. I submerge myself in hope each try and with every failure I get weaker and stronger at the same time. I am callused and no longer the tender fragile girl I started as. I am a better person for the challenges I’ve faced- I know this now. I sometimes wonder if my luck has run out. I have had a rather blessed life and I can’t help but think that this is my lesson, my weak point, my bad luck and that the universe is telling me to let it go. Am I being selfish by wanting so badly to have a baby rather than to adopt? There are so many amazing children out there that need parents and here I am spending thousands of dollars selfishly trying to conceive my own. These are the daily battles that go through my mind as I sign the waivers, write the checks and order the drugs for the next round of enhanced scientific wondrous baby-making.